Monday, May 26

Memorial Day...

As I think of Memorial Day naturally I reflect upon all the men and women we have lost in the awful wars that happen, and how many people put their lives on the line for their countries!

But then I can not help but reflect on how many people have lost loved ones to all kinds of things. Death is one of the hardest parts of our lives to have to deal with, we have no choice, we just carry on and try to cope with the holes in our hearts that our loved ones leave.

I try not to be sad about these things or dwell on it to much, but I do need to take the time to honor a few people in my life that I have recently lost.

Someone once told me that when you lose a child it is not just life changing it is person changing...I believe this to be so.
I used to be so terrified of dying and now it just seems to be just a different level of life, not that I plan on going anywhere soon, nor do I want anyone else's presence to be absent either (we are selfish that way, huh?).
I just feel like there must be a party somewhere that we all here are just missing out on!
That being said, to all the Mom's who have lost their children, we know that no words express what we feel, we belong to a club that we don't want new members to join and we all should have an extra hug today and everyday!
I hope everyone is spending time with their families and good friends today and taking time to honor and reflect on the people in their lives that they have lost.

So if you don't mind I would like to take a few moments and remember the those who are on my mind especially today...

My little angel,
Jade Mary Ferguson
September 2005
Ethel Pastewski
December 2005
My husband Jeff's Grandmother

Telly Salmon
June 2007
My dear friend
David Hirsch
October 2007
The son of my dear friend Diane.

Gert Nicosia (Gram)
March 2008
My Grandmother
Ivano Mazzulla
April 2008
The brother of my dear friend Carmelina.
I think of you often
and make no outward show,
But what it means to lose you,
no one will ever know
You wished no one farewell,
not even said good-bye,
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
You are not forgotten
nor will you ever be,
As long as life and memories last,
I will remember thee.
To some you may be forgotten,
to others a part of the past,
But to me who loved you dearly,
your memories will always last.
Nothing can be more beautiful
than the memories I have of you.
To me, you were someone special,
God must have thought so too!
If tears could build a staircase and memories a lane,
I would walk all the way to Heaven,
and bring you back again.


Friday, May 16

Be sure to scroll all the way down...see the pictures...sign the guestbook and if you are family or friends and would like to add a picture to the slide show just email them to me!

Monday, May 12

That little bluebird...

My Grandmother had a fantastic knack for always knowing when I was in trouble.
I would always ask her "Gramma how did you know that?" you would think her answer would change the older I got but it always remained the same...
"The little bluebird told me"!
Now when I was very little I thought about finding this little bluebird and giving him a piece of my mind for having such a big mouth and spilling all my bad behavior out to my Grams. I think of ways to give him chewing gum so that his little beak would be to busy to ramble on!
Then as I got older I loved that little bluebird for whispering the things I didn't want to admit but needed to talk about. I would walk through Grams backyard beckoning him to deliver secrets so that I wouldn't have to.
He always did.
She always responded.
Now keep in mind the way Grams responded wasn't always the smooth way you would have liked it to be, but there were never any secrets from Grandma.
I believed there wasn't anything she couldn't fix, and believe me I was right.
I never seen that women back down from anything!
She could hold her head high wherever she went, (and she did).
She was the strongest person I have ever known...
Life just doesn't seem quite balanced with her gone.
We are left to pick up the pieces and try to get along without her, and every single one of us are trying in the best ways that we can, all in our own ways.
I will remember that call I received from my father Thursday morning when he said that Uncle Bruce and Mom had taken her to the hospital...I had a terrible feeling in my stomach that she was going to leave us. As soon as I got to the hospital and seen her I knew that my feelings were so horribly right. I was so glad I got to say a few short things to her before surgery.
I am even more grateful that we got 1 night to be with her before she left.
I don't care what anyone says and they will never convince me otherwise but I believe she heard everything we said that night. I am glad for quiet moments alone when I could tell her how jealous I was that she would get to see my baby daughter Jade, and to take good care of her for me. I told her that it was OK to go, I wanted her to stay, but I understood if she wanted to go. Most of all I told her I would miss her and I was sorry for not spending more time with could have never been enough time!
Somewhere between the hours of 2 and 4am Sarah and I were singing and talking to her and begging her to wake up for just one more minute...just one...just to hear her voice, there was a moment and the only time all night that she stirred and moved a bit as if she was going to wake up, although she never did!
I was glad that almost her whole family was around her when she left us, there wasn't a room in that hospital with more love in it. Even through the sadness there was glowing white energy of love surrounding all of us around her bed, as if angels accompanied each one of us to help hold our hearts as they were breaking, and to gently carry Gram away.
Now we all go on...getting better each day...then worse again...
but knowing that she loved each one of us more then anything!
I have never known a more generous, strong, fun, courageous & most of all loving person, I only hope that we make Gram proud in the things that we do.